Are You From One Of The Hebridian Isles?

You know you are an islander if ...

You have a dog called Dileas

You have ever worn a biannag

You have at least 3 eyebrow hairs over 1.5 inches long
(extra points for on each eyebrow)

You have a pair of 'posh' cords for evenings out

You admire your father so much you have grown an inch long tuft of hair in each ear (extra points if you're female.)

When in Glasgow/ Inverness/ Aberdeen/ Edinburgh/ you get on the bus and say "I'm going to Woolies, how much is it to Woolies?" When the driver looks at you quizzically, you clarify, "WoolWORTHS."

When on the mainland you make a concerted effort to go into shops that don't exist in Stornoway. Like LIDL and Poundstretcher. Oh, and ASSSSDA

You do a monthly Big Shop in Ullapool

Your father knows someone called Tormod who works on
The Isle Of Lewis ferry

The first time you tried to get a bus in Glasgow/Inverness/Aberdeen/Edinburgh it took 10 buses flying past you to make you realise you had to hold your hand out to make it stop

You have ever worn your father's boiler suit for the peats when you were 8 years old

You have ever got lost in the peats - 10 feet away from where your dad and mum were working

When you move to Glasgow/Inverness/Aberdeen/Edinburgh, you become a central point for free accommodation in said place

You have made a sandcastle on the beach that when you stamp on it find has at least 1 ball of sheep's business in it

You have almost killed your father doing a 3 point turn at 30 mile an hour while 'learning to drive' on the machair

You have at least 4 deteriorating cars in your garden but won't give anyone any parts (extra points if not a Niseach)

You were a softy if you ever used an umbrella

You were a softy if you had glasses

Anything over minus 10 Celsius is sleeves-rolled-up weather

You walked into what you thought was your own empty house to find that a friend of your gran's has let himself in and is making himself a pot of tea on the gas

You slip into the Gaidhlig inadvertently in the middle of sentences (extra points if you have done this to English-only speaking friends.)

You insist that your lowland friends that they call you by your Gaelic name and that it's not that hard to pronounce Domhnall Aonghas Roddy Iain

You have never been a farmer, but have a barn out the back just for good measure

You thought Pizza Hut was a place you could buy fuel for the fire (think about it...)

You know someone in America (extra points if they are relations)

You have a relative who has a disused loom in the barn who is
waiting for the tweed business to pick up

You have ever gone to the well to get water for tea when the plumbing was wrong

You consider black and white portable televisions with dial tuning to be 'good enough' for the kitchen

You have at least one school photo where you have a bald patch on your head after your dad decided to save money by using one of those red combs with razor blades in them

You nearly burnt the house down trying to install dimmer lights in the lounge at home

Your gran has at least 10 family photos on display on the sideboard.

You have realised that you and all your cousins look exactly the same, but still think your immediate family is best as you have a brother at Glasgow University

You have a third cousin in the RAF.

You still have all your own teeth.
You store them in 'a bag from the dentist's.'
The oldest tooth is 30 years old

Your uncle's party trick is pushing his upper denture plate out and showing the remains of what he had for breakfast that morning

You saw your first tree on the mainland

You have a passport but have never actually been past the Barvas moor

You enjoy spinning aimlessly around town at 10 o'clock at night and beeping at people you think you know

You try to apply the rules of football to all sports

When you were 12 you thought Pointers was Kool90

When you were 8 you got a row from your friend's dad for breaking up his new roofing timber so you could use it to build a ganghut out of the old blackhouse out the back

As a teenager for some reason you wanted a bowling alley, ice rink and cinema in Stornoway.

You then realised that working in WISCOs was much cooler, and you were so tired by the end of the day that you had no energy to do anything

When laying a new living room carpet, you cut up the old one and use it for the wee bit in the porch

You lift your index finger to say hello even when out of your car

You had had 5 different nicknames before one finally stuck at age 10.

The nickname you have is the only one of the 5 that you really dislike, but are too hard to admit it

You attach the ending '-boy' to the end of men's names when addressing them

From age 11 your haircut's direction permanently matched that of the prevailing wind on your side of the island. Wonderfully, this did not affect your dossan

You play for at least 10 village football teams, as having a fourth cousin in Bragar entitles you to do so. Has Berti Vogts ever visited the Island?

You know 20 people called Seonaid.
They all wear exactly the same style of clothes

Your ancient Ford Fiesta has go faster stripes, a red spoiler and a white passenger door

You know that despite what they say, wherever you lay your hat, it's not Home
unless it's up north


PhreedomPhan said...

Didn't understand much of it, but it was still funny and interesting. Certainly saw some things I didn't know about Scotland.

By the way, do they still define an astute businessman as one who can buy from a Jew and sell to a Scotsman and still make a profit?

Jimmy MacDonald said...

That's a new on me!!!

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